Doing the awkward talk

Most adults lie to their children about sex. We do a lot of lying including Christmas, naughty and nice, Easter bunny chocolate conundrum, and so on. Well, sex lying is serious stuff, and messing it up can do a great amount of damage. 

"It has been found that 34% of year 10 students are sexually active. Of sexually active respondents, 76 percent had sex at home; 65 percent with a boyfriend or girlfriend; 62 percent often or always used a condom, and 86 percent with somebody about the same age."

These lines were copied from La Trobe University statistics. I will allow you to check the statistics for teenage pregnancy in Australia. 

It is extremely harder(if I would have an extreme adjective for hard I'd put it in here) than has ever been to be a teenager or the parent of a teenager. So, I will count for you three thoughts about sex talk that may help you on your parenting journey. 

Thought 1 

Our children are never “too young” to learn about sex. 

We feel uncomfortable talking about sex with our children. We start talking to them "when they are ready". That used to be the "normal". Well, they are never ready unless they ask. They ask when they are little and cute. It is fun to answer when they ask the question about the stork. That, my friend, is the time to start saying the truth. It is not fun at all to talk about it when they are 12. That's when we think about when we did it last, when we did it first, the worst and the first experience, and so on. Our teenagers can see we are uncomfortable. 

It has to be done. We have to do it, otherwise, they will learn it from others or on the internet. The sexual talk should start as soon as our children start to talk and ask how they arrived in this world, which may be as early as 5 years old. By the time they are 13 years old, they should know everything about everything, from us. It has been found that children who learn about sex from their parents early are more protected from child sexual abuse. When our children are young they believe that their parents are the expert in sex and understand that talking about sex is an open topic in the family.

The kids that talk about sex in the family have been known to wait longer before they have sex, have fewer partners, and often use protection. Starting early offers many chances to have short and cute conversations over the years. The times when we had awkward sex talk are long gone.

Thought 2 

Whatever "didn't work" for us 30 years ago will not work today either. 

Your parents probably didn’t do a fabulous job talking about sex. When it comes to having constructive sex talks they didn't do well. Because of this, your conversations with your kids may be influenced. But if you were lucky and your parents did a great job giving you plenty of appropriate information, well this information will not be appropriate for your kids in today's society. We need to change because almost everything has changed. I am repeating myself, if we don't teach them from an early age our children will learn from the TV, their friends, media, video games, music, and Internet pornography. 

To be honest, our children will learn about sex from these sources anyway, but you have the choice to be an active and involved guide for them. Otherwise, you can cross your fingers and hope they turn out okay.

Thought 3 

Is not fair to tell our children “Do not ask" or "Do not tell". 

We just can not do that! Just because your kid hasn’t asked it doesn’t mean they don’t need to know. All it means is that they haven’t asked. 

Your kids will be safer and ultimately, healthier when we learn what is age appropriate for kids to know. That's when we initiate the conversations with them. Our children will tell us everything when we show we are open to talking about sex. You are making it their responsibility when you wait for them to ask. It is our job to do it. That's when you decide if you are the best sex educator for your children or the internet. You or their school friends? If their school friends have a parent that had appropriate sex talk then you are in luck. Make sure you say thank you to Billy's mum. I will do my best poker face when I bet on you as being their best sex educator.

I had no idea about all this when I was a child. My parents made many mistakes and while I am parenting I am making damn sure that I will not make the same mistakes for my sons. I will make new ones and I hope I figure it out and fix before is too late.

Simona Graham

www.watershedcounselling.com.au

 

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