We play hide and seek with friends when we are sad

We tend to stop being social when we feel sad and worried. That's when our mind will bombard us with these ideas:

She will not understand me

She will think I am looking for attention

She has her own issues to work on

If she knows how I am she would not like me anymore

Is too much work to get social at the moment

I would not like it anyway

I messaged her last time and she didn't answered

Our mind does that to us so we stop socialising and we can have more time to think and worry about it. 

The truth is that friends help us stay connected to what is important to us. Pain will still be there but friends will help us breathe easier. A listening ear and a smile will go a long way but they have to be face to face. Social media might work but when we are sad that can be increased when we look at people through the social media "happy "mask.

It is often upsetting when a friend will answer to our worries in a wrong way by distracting us to stay away from the thoughts that bother us. That is even more upsetting when we don't want to be distracted because we want to talk it out and we feel guilty because we put our pain onto them. That's when we distance ourselves from friends.

That's when we could say:

I know that you have your ........ to worry about but can we talk about my worries?

or

I am not ready to share much today. Let's talk about it another time and today we could just chill.

When we ask our friends for help in a gentle way it will create the opportunity for them asking back for help when they need to. If they don't get it than you could talk to them about that or you can talk to another friend that is better at saying the right thing.

Don't expect them not to tell if you are planning to do something risky. They have to tell somebody.

Trying to not have some emotions and ideas is hard work and takes lots of energy. That means that we have less energy to put on things that are important like friends and family. 

Simona Graham

www.watershedcounselling.com.au

 

What you should do next:

1. Subscribe to my blog page for tips on gaining mental wealth.
2. Like and follow us on Facebook and Instagram for updates and quick news.
3. Log in into our website community for updates on our upcoming 30 min free webinar on facts on understanding your teenager and ways to interact with them! Register early spaces are limited.

Coming soon:

    Enrol into my Overcoming my Teenager Masterclasses!

Today we've learned via "Stuff that sucks"  by Ben Sedley

Why our teenagers are not happy?

The society encourages us to be happy and if we are not we should do our best to be happy and other emotions are not OK.

When we feel sad, they say: "Smile"

When we are worried, they say: "Not to worry"

When we feel angry, they say: "Settle down"

When we cry, we're told: "You'll be fine, don't be a wuss"

On TV all of them are happy, well, anyway as long as the program is showing till the adds (on the adds they are all happy because they are consuming the right beverage and wearing the trendy outfit).

On Snapchat and TikTok  they all talk how awesome and talented they are.

For teenagers our planet is a scary and stirred up place. No wonder our teenagers are either enraged, frustrated, anxious or whatever feeling you want to describe their state.

I am not surprised that sometimes we think we are failures if we don't feel happy at all times. To add to this everybody tells us to how to feel and that is the reverse of how we feel. 

In those situations we could mirror their feelings with: 

When they feel sad we say "I am hearing you buddy"

When they are worried we say "I would worry too if I would be in your position. What is your plan to ..."

When they are angry we say "I see you are really struggling. I feel for you"

When they cry we say "It sucks, I am here for you" 

Our teenagers will feel understood and connected and healing will happen.

Society says "Be happy all the time. There is something wrong if you are not" 

The real world says "Failure, Disappointment, Rejection, Disaster" 

When parents walk in their bedroom our teenagers say: "Go away! @#$ck off" We go away because our ego is hurt and we don't know what to say. We take it personally. 

That's when we must help them to talk it out! We model giving.

Simona Graham

www.watershedcounselling.com.au

 

What you should do next:

1. Subscribe to my blog page or tips on gaining mental wealth.
2. Like and follow us on Facebook and Instagram for updates and quick news.
3. Log in into our website community for updates.