We play hide and seek with friends when we are sad

We tend to stop being social when we feel sad and worried. That's when our mind will bombard us with these ideas:

She will not understand me

She will think I am looking for attention

She has her own issues to work on

If she knows how I am she would not like me anymore

Is too much work to get social at the moment

I would not like it anyway

I messaged her last time and she didn't answered

Our mind does that to us so we stop socialising and we can have more time to think and worry about it. 

The truth is that friends help us stay connected to what is important to us. Pain will still be there but friends will help us breathe easier. A listening ear and a smile will go a long way but they have to be face to face. Social media might work but when we are sad that can be increased when we look at people through the social media "happy "mask.

It is often upsetting when a friend will answer to our worries in a wrong way by distracting us to stay away from the thoughts that bother us. That is even more upsetting when we don't want to be distracted because we want to talk it out and we feel guilty because we put our pain onto them. That's when we distance ourselves from friends.

That's when we could say:

I know that you have your ........ to worry about but can we talk about my worries?

or

I am not ready to share much today. Let's talk about it another time and today we could just chill.

When we ask our friends for help in a gentle way it will create the opportunity for them asking back for help when they need to. If they don't get it than you could talk to them about that or you can talk to another friend that is better at saying the right thing.

Don't expect them not to tell if you are planning to do something risky. They have to tell somebody.

Trying to not have some emotions and ideas is hard work and takes lots of energy. That means that we have less energy to put on things that are important like friends and family. 

Simona Graham

www.watershedcounselling.com.au

 

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Today we've learned via "Stuff that sucks"  by Ben Sedley